There are no right or wrong times to express your gratitude, appreciation and recognition, on either a professional or personal level. I’m inspired by the month of February and Valentine’s Day, which we’ll be celebrating soon. I see hearts everywhere!

What are your initial reactions when one of your employees doesn’t reach their objectives, or when your teenager brings home a report card with failing grades? Do you immediately focus on the results? If you do, it’s likely that the discussion will centre on the negative aspects and the least attractive side of things before you compliment and show appreciation for the person.

There’s an important distinction to make between “recognition” and “appreciation.” In this article, I’m inviting you to emphasize appreciation.

A study by neuropsychologist Rick Hanson (Arcata, California, October 2013) says that the human brain has evolved to sort negative experiences first and to concentrate on them. Hanson claims that as we get older, we develop a “negativity bias”: a tendency to remember, give more attention to, and react more to negative effects than positive ones. This tendency creates “wiring” and affects our attitude, behaviour and personality, particularly with regard to anxiety, pessimism and stress. Fortunately, this trend is reversible. You just have to be aware of it and have a firm resolution to change. With a little discipline, you’ll succeed in “rewiring” your brain’s neurons so that they are turned more toward the positive. That’s why the field of neurology is often represented by the metaphor of “brain rewiring.”

The example of the underperforming employee or teen can lead us into an area of judgement, assumptions and reactions. For example: “I really have tried everything and there’s nothing that seems to help this employee… It’s always the same thing… I’m really disappointed. I don’t know what to do anymore.” What if you asked yourself: “How does this person feel in regard to their own results?”

Would you be able to say, on a scale of 0 to 10, how many times you start a sentence with a negative remark rather than a positive one?

An executive manager confided to me recently that he was having difficulty with his team. From this conversation, I heard that the economic environment is challenging, the team is not reaching its business objectives, there is a lack of engagement and motivation, and energy is at a low ebb. The discussion continued with a flurry of figures, including a vision of the expected results and the distribution of recognition bonuses. The person I was speaking with focused on facts and details. He told me what he had done to try to turn the situation around: meetings, phone calls, e-mails and presence in the field. I felt he was at a dead-end. I asked him, “What is really important to you and your team?” After a long pause, he answered, “The relationship.” He added, “I have to change my way of doing things. I’d like to be more human but I’m not really sure where to start.” We explored together the true sense of the word “human.” Some key words resonated for him: listening, curiosity, collaboration and appreciation.

I invited him to be curious and to adopt a new perspective, starting by expressing the positive first. Here are a few key points:

1. When a situation arises, focus immediately on the individual rather than on facts.
2. Engage in a “rewiring” process to orient your brain in a positive mode: a sure way is to stay in the present moment in order to see and accept things as they are.
3. Generate opportunities to give appreciative feedback; identify positive points about the individual and convey them to him or her.
4. When you feel that you are “realigned” with this person, continue your co-active discussion on what is possible with respect to performance and results. Together, co-create the solution and put an action plan in place.
5. Practice every day: at home, at the market, at work. Express your appreciation for those you come into contact with. If you forget, write it in your daybook or set a reminder on your phone. Take the time to tell someone that you appreciate them for who they are.
6. Learn to accept a compliment gratefully. When someone compliments you or appreciates you for something, simply say “thank you,” stop talking and receive it (continue to breathe deeply). We have the bad habit of not knowing how to receive. We prefer to talk and argue.
7. Go easy on yourself. Any change requires time and patience. Give yourself permission to make mistakes and try again.

When we want to motivate or inspire a person or a team, appreciation becomes one of the most powerful expressions to create a significant impact. It is unfortunately underutilized. According to the latest research in the field of positive psychology, when individuals and teams are putting more attention to “the person” and what works, rather than focusing on the results, problems and weaknesses, everyone wins. Companies can increase their productivity by 20% by the simple practice of appreciation.

Seek out opportunities and focus on the things that you truly appreciate in the people around you. Above all, let them know your appreciation, because it is one of the best gifts you can give them. It’s also one of the best gifts you can give yourself. It’s the gift of appreciation.

I invite you to leave your comments.

Christine Lecavalier, Coach co-actif